magnify
Home Opinion Fuck you Hermes you useless shower of shite. @myhermes @hermes
formats

Fuck you Hermes you useless shower of shite. @myhermes @hermes

hermesare-fuckingshite

Hermes are without one of the most useless incompetent courier/parcel firms I have had the misfortune to use. The actual “courier” is fine, she turns up with the parcels, collects them and off she goes (Jackie from Chidham, a pleasant enough lady). But heaven forbid something go “wrong”, such as a Jackie being off sick, or her car has blown up or whatever. The local Hermes depot is staffed by incompetent morons who have absolutely no contingency plan for such problems and the parcels just “sit” here waiting to be collected, and given we usually get a Hermes delivery to us every other day (give or take a bit) and I haven’t seen one in days well …. This suggests Jackie is either ill, the car’s blown, she’s quit or whatever and the local depot’s “contingency plan” has failed to “kick in”, oh hang on, that’ll be the plan they don’t have ….

I myself have been in the transport industry, as a despatch rider, a multidrop van and lorry driver, an HGV driver and even a “rope and sheeting” type driver delivering heavy machinery. I am proud to say that I have NEVER ever failed a delivery or collection ever due to any incompetence on the part of the company I was working for. I’ve sat in Dagenham for 2 hours refusing to move until the lazy sods who work at Ford “goods in” took the palettes I’d delivered, I’ve “handballed” parcels and even heavy machinery from the back of a truck at 9pm on a Sunday night in London’s West End, heck I even delivered the server that was for the Queen’s first ever internet Christmas message at 2am on Christmas Day morning.

Not Hermes though, they are the most useless bunch of cockwombles ever. They simply couldn’t give a damn. I spent over 40 minutes waiting to get through on “chat” (because you can’t call them) and the resolution? There wasn’t one, all they did is was suggest I re-book the collections or take them to the local drop off shop. Well FUCK YOU Hermes I’m not here to fix your bloody incompetence, you should have sorted it out when you had the chance. Now you’ve not only a lost a customer but created someone who is going to hate and despise your crap organisation for the rest of their life (and boy am I going to advertise the fact). Fuck you and fuck you and fuck you again, useless incompetent retards. As for the customer service via “chat”, fuck me are they useless? See for yourself:

Neha: Hi, my name is Neha. How may I help you?
Steve Williams: First of all please don’t say anything like “I’m sorry to hear that” and other meaningless platitudes!
Steve Williams: Secondly I am still waiting for a number of parcels to be collected
Steve Williams: None have been collected the next day like they were supposed and go back to last weekend
Steve Williams: plus nobody can be bothered to answer my emails
Steve Williams: What I want to hear is what is going to be done about it and WHY they haven’t been collected
Steve Williams: there’s a number of orders and they’re all on the account ethicalsw@googlemail.com
Neha: I am sorry about this Steve.
Steve Williams: Please no “I am sorry” stuff
Steve Williams: JUST WHEN ARE THEY GOING to be collected
Steve Williams: and why haven’t they been
Neha: Just so I understand clearly your parcel was not collected on allocated day and you have not received any response from us.
Steve Williams: numerous parcels yes
Steve Williams: not just the one
Steve Williams: my depot (I believe it is Havant) is utterly incompetent and seem to have no contingency plan for when they are busy or the driver unable or whatever
Steve Williams: They manage to collect from the local Parcelshop but seem utterly incapable of collecting from home pickups which we are PAYING extra for.
Neha: I can understand your situation. There is technical issue due the courier has not received the collection request. However we request you to please drop the parcel at drop off point or cancel and rebook the shipment.
Steve Williams: That is not satisfactory, I PAID for collection from here. I want them collected from here. I am in and out all the time but someone is always at home. Also, a “technical issue”? Seriously? Just ring the depot up and shout at them.
Steve Williams: Technical error sounds extremely “made up excusey”
Steve Williams: Does Hermes want to lose a customer? This is not good enough, I want them picked up TODAY, delivered TOMORROW and the “collection by courier” part refunded, plus a further partial refund for gross incompetence.
Neha has disconnected.
Sudipta: Hi, my name is Sudipta. How may I help you?
Steve Williams: Why was the last person disconnected
Sudipta: I am sorry you got disconnected from the previous agent.
Steve Williams: Please no “I am sorry” stuff
Sudipta: May be due to system issue you got disconnected.
Steve Williams: I just want these parcels collected
Steve Williams: None have been collected the next day like they were supposed and go back t last weekend, nobody is answering my emails
Steve Williams: What I want to hear is what is going to be done about it and WHY they haven’t been collected
Steve Williams: there’s a number of orders and they’re all on the account ethicalsw@googlemail.com
Steve Williams: also none of this “take them to the Parcelshop” stuff, that’s not an option
Steve Williams: I paid for them to be collected from my address and expect that to be done.
Steve Williams: there’s a number of orders and they’re all on the account ethicalsw@googlemail.com
Steve Williams: Does Hermes want to lose a customer? This is not good enough, I want them picked up TODAY, delivered TOMORROW and the “collection by courier” part refunded, plus a further partial refund for gross incompetence.
Sudipta: I am sorry the parcels were not collected.
Steve Williams: Stop it with the SORRY, you’re not sorry
Sudipta: Could you please provide the sixteen digit tracking number?
Steve Williams: I jus want to know what you’re going to do about it
Steve Williams: there’s more than one hence I said ethicalsw@googlemail.com
Steve Williams: I am looking at the parcels in the site “back end” and all I see is our ref numbers not the tracking numbers
Sudipta: I am sorry I an unable to pull any details from theemail address you have provided above.
Steve Williams: is this the right number?
Steve Williams: it says “barcode” in the back end
Steve Williams: 5719770246038780
Steve Williams: and 8462898250707082
Steve Williams: and 9594134249515784
Sudipta: Thank you. Please give me a moment while I check this for you.
Sudipta: I would request you to cancel the order and rebook it again.
Steve Williams: That is not an option, I want to ring them up and shout at them because my depot is utterly useless, I can’t wait any longer for these to go so please stop obfuscating and just get them collected
Steve Williams: Stop trying to make it my problem, it’s hermes mess, hermes should fixc it
Steve Williams: fix
Steve Williams: If it’s not fixed BY HERMES there will be repurcussions
Steve Williams: Not only will you lose a customer but I will become a very large thorn in Hermes’ side
Steve Williams: asking me to fix it isn’t customer service it’s a fob off
Steve Williams: You need to start going out of your way to keep me as a customer because this isn’t the first time this has happened
Sudipta: I am sorry you are unhappy with the service provided, however, in order to get your parcel collected you need to cancel the order and rebook or drop off the parcel at the parcelShop.
Steve Williams: no you can fix it, ring the depot and tell them to do it, your response is not satisfactory
Steve Williams: If you can’t do that personally then connect me to someone who can, that solution is not good enough
Sudipta: You can contact us by calling 03303336556. Please start by selecting option 1 for tracking a parcel. After this please select option 5 as you are the shipper. Once prompted to, please enter the tracking number followed by the # sign. The interactive voice response will provide the current status of the parcel and provide three options after that. Please select option 3.
Steve Williams: NO, you fix it
Steve Williams: I am not fixing your company’s mistakes
Steve Williams: you’re customer service right? so let’s see some customer service instead of “customer fob off”
Steve Williams: seriously I am logging all of this, if Hermes doesn’t fix it it’s going to be all over the internet and to every eBay Powerseller I know and I know a lot
Steve Williams: I have “influence” in the eComemrce world
Steve Williams: ecommerce even
Steve Williams: your “solutions” are simply not good enough
Sudipta: I will need to forward this issue on to our investigations team. They will contact the courier and chase this parcel’s collection within 24-48 hours.
Steve Williams: No they won’t, you will tell them NOW and I expect it to be within the hours, 24 hours is no good, I’ve already waited several days
Steve Williams: “within the hour” I meant to say, I am seriosuly angry right now hence the typos
Sudipta: I am sorry however, this the standard time frame.
Steve Williams: Do you really consider 24 to 48 hours satisfactory in this circumstance?
Steve Williams: Don’t talk to me about “standard time frames”
Steve Williams: I’ve waited several days “past” the standard “time frame” for these to be collected
Sudipta: I am sorry the parcel was not collected.
Steve Williams: well stop being sorry and fix it
Sudipta: This the best I can assist you with .
Steve Williams: What me on to someone who can better then
Steve Williams: This is not good enough
Steve Williams: I mean “put me on to someone who can do better” sigh
Steve Williams: Nothing personal against you but so far all you’ve done is say sorry and not offered to fix it.
Steve Williams: Ring them up and scream at them
Steve Williams: If that’s what it takes
Sudipta: You can contact us by calling 03303336556. Please start by selecting option 1 for tracking a parcel. After this please select option 5 as you are the shipper. Once prompted to, please enter the tracking number followed by the # sign. The interactive voice response will provide the current status of the parcel and provide three options after that. Please select option 3.
Steve Williams: NO
Steve Williams: You fix it, Hermes cock up Hermes should fix it. I am way too busy to fix your mistakes
Steve Williams: I’ve already told you that is not a satisfactory resolution
Sudipta: I will need to forward this issue on to our investigations team.
Sudipta: This the best I can assist you with.
Steve Williams: Put me on to somebody who can actually do something
Steve Williams: I waited over 40 minutes to get through on “chat” and expect far more.
Steve Williams: you must have a line manager or supervisor, pt them on
Sudipta: Could you please provide the contact number so that I can forward this to the concerned team?
Steve Williams: 07507 623504
Steve Williams: I’m not ending this conversation until they call, 24 hours is not satisfactory
Steve Williams: where’s your line manager
Sudipta: Thank you for the number.
Sudipta: I will arrange a call back to you.
Steve Williams: NOW
Steve Williams: not 24 hours
Sudipta: Thank you for contacting us at myHermes. Have a good day.
Sudipta has disconnected.

BASTARDS

PS: in case you think I was “exaggerating” about the waiting time:

hermesarefuckingarseholes

 
 Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Reddit Share on LinkedIn
4 Comments  comments 

4 Responses

  1. AGREED HERMES ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE ON THE INTERNET.

    THEY SHOULD BE SHUT DOWN FOR THE CONSISTENT LEVEL OF HOPELESSNESS.

    HERMES ARE PATHETICLY INEPT FUCKSTICKS WHO I WILL NEVER USE AGAIN AND WILL DO MY UTMOST TO PUT OF ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY ELSE.

    LIFE MUST BE PRETTY DAMN SHITE IF YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THE MISFORTUNE OF WORKING FOR THE UTTERCUNTFUCKS.

    KARMA WILL HAVE ITS WAY YOU HOPELESS BOLLOCKSTEMS.

  2. jez

    Going to screw these idiots up technically, get the law book throw it at them and wack them around the head with it!

    Shouted highly abusive uncalled for and highly unprofessional remarks it’s actually covered by the human rights act and probably the equality act as well. nothing ever surprises me about these stupid fucks.

  3. peter Smith

    Agree also they are awful. Without doubt the worst delivery firm in the UK. They nearly killed my dog by throwing a heavy 4 foot square parcel over an eight foot fence missing my dog by 6 inches ….all because they cant be bothered to walk like a normal person to the front door to get signed by us

    On top of that their driver collected a parcel from next door and the parcel was never seen again and they deemed “lost”. In ordinary English this means the driver stole it because he though he can sell i

  4. Anon

    Have you ever in your entire life been fobbed of so poorly by a company. Hermes can’t even make a convinvcing job of telling you to go away and forget that they lost your parcel.
    They are an absolute shower.
    Now that we are leaving the European Union and having to rekindle our links with our lost Empire for survival why would anyone choose Hermes to deliver anything to our new trading partners.
    We would spend weeks on the phone, days writing E-mails and provide a whole agency of Cormoran Strike’s with a lifetimes work resolving the first months deliveries.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *